WHAT IF

IT SEEMS IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP, THERE ARE A FEW BUMPS AND HILLS TO GET OVER. I HAVE BECOME MORE RELAXED, OR SHOULD I SAY HAVE A DON'T GIVE A SHIT ATTITUDE ANYMORE. I FIND IT EASIER TO COMPLY THAN TO ARGUE. THINGS THAT USED TO GET ME RILED UP DON'T ANYMORE. OF COURSE, THERE ARE INSTANCES WHEN I FALL BACK IN TO MY OLD WAYS, BUT NOT FOR LONG. I USED TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT IF'S-WHY? NOT WORTH WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE. THAT'S WHY I LIVE IN THE HERE AND NOW. LIVE FOR TODAY, WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE MAY BRING.

AH YES THE BANKRUPTCY. WHAT CAN I SAY. I LOST A RELATIONSHIP, A HOUSE, A YARD I SO LOVENLY DECORATED BUT I ALSO LOST ALL THE BILLS YEAH. IT WAS A BITTERSWEET MOMENT. I FELT RELIEVED TO BE OUT FROM UNDER THE PRESSURES OF BEING $15,000 IN DEBT AND PAYING ON A HOUSE I WOULD NEVER OWN. LUCKILY FOR ME A FRIEND WHO IS NOW MY PARTNER TOOK ME IN. FOR THAT AND FOR HER I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. THE PAST 1 1/2 YEARS HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER. I FOUND SOMEONE WHO LOVES THE SAME THINGS I DO. WE'RE A PERFECT MATCH. ALAS THE AGE DIFFERENCE IS A BIG FACTOR. BUT I LIVE FOR TODAY CAUSE THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. WE HAVE GONE ON MANY ADVENTURES TOGETHER. ERIN (THAT'S MY GIRL) HAS TAKEN ME SKYDIVING, WHICH WAS AWESOME. WE LEAVE FOR CANCUN 29 DAYS FROM NOW, AND WE HAVE MANY MORE ADVENTURE PLANNED FOR THE FUTURE.

THE MARRAIGE LASTED 25 YEARS. THERE WERE OF COURSE GOOD AND BAD TIMES AS IN ANY MARRAIGE. I GUESS I GREW RESTLESS, OR AS MY THEN HUSBAND CALLED ME A "FREE SPIRIT". ANYWAY, THE MARRAIGE ENDED WHEN I STARTED AN AFFAIR WITH A WOMAN 14 YEARS MY JUNIOR. AT THIS POINT PEOPLE WILL SAY WERE YOU CRAZY? WELL YES AND NO. BEING WITH A WOMAN WAS SO DIFFERENT THAN BEING WITH A MAN. AS THE SAYING GOES WOMEN KNOW WHAT WOMEN LIKE. DON'T GET ME WRONG I STILL LOVE THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM. THIS NEXT RELATIONSHIP WENT ON FOR 13 YEARS WITH GOOD AND BAD TIMES. A NOTE HERE-I ALSO WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THIS PERSON AS WELL, EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER. THIS RELATIONSHIP WAS FUN YET DISTURBING. THIS WOMAN LIED TO ME FOR EVERY YEAR OF THE 13 WE WERE TOGETHER, HENCE MY NUMBER ONE PET PEEVE IS LIARS. I DON'T KNOW WHY I PUT UP WITH IT FOR SO LONG. I GUESS LOOKING BACK I FELT SHE WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH WITHOUT ME. I FELT SORRY FOR HER. I DON'T KNOW. I STOOD BY HER FOR TWO SERIOUS OPERATIONS TOWARDS THE END OF OUR RELATIONSHIP AND GAVE HER EVERYTHING SHE COULD EVER WANT-NOT ENOUGH I GUESS. WHEN WE KNEW IT WAS OVER I WANTED TO REMAIN FRIENDS SHE OBVIOUSLY DID NOT. SHE SHUNNED EVERY EFFORT I MADE TO REMAIN FRIENDS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR US WE CO-OWNED A HOUSE WHICH MADE LIVING CONDITIONS UNBEARABLE. THEN CAME THE FINAL STRAW SHE TRIED TO STRANGLE ME. AS ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME I COULD KICK ASS WITH THE BEST OF 'EM, HOWEREVER, I COULD NOT PUNCH OR HURT HER. I MANAGED TO WRIGGLE OUT OF HER GRASP. I WILL NEVER FORGET THE MURDEROUS LOOK IN HER EYES AS SHE SQUEEZED HARDER AND HARDER. THIS FROM SOMEONE WHO PROFESSED HER UNDYING LOVE FOR ME AT ONE TIME. WELL PUSH CAME TO SHOVE, THE BILLS WERE ADDING UP AND I WAS DROWNING IN DEBT AND WRECKED WITH ANIEXTY ABOUT ANOTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP. THIS LED TO THE BANKRUPT PROCEEDINGS. I SHALL CONTINUE IN NEXXT BLOG.

I HAVE DECIDED TO TELL THE STORY OF MY RELATIONSHIPS. I MARRIED A WONDERFUL MAN ON SEPTEMBER 13, 1970 THREE DAYS BEFORE MY 20TH BIRTHDAY. AS IN ANY MARRAIGE WE HAD OUR UPS AND DOWNS. HE WAS A WONDERFUL PROVIDER AND TREATED ME LIKE A QUEEN, WHICH I LATER BECAME (ANOTHER STORY). WE HAVE TWO CHILDREN. WE MOVED FROM NEW YORK WHERE WE BOTH GREW UP TO A SMALL MIDWESTERN TOWN IN IOWA. WHILE NOT THE HUB OF ACTIVITY, IT WAS A SAFE PLACE TO RAISE OUR KIDS. WHAT I MEAN IS IF YOU WIPED YOUR ASS THE FOLKS 4 BLOCKS AWAY COULD HEAR THE TOILET FLUSH AND IMMEDIATELY KNEW WHO IT WAS. ALONG THE WAY I MET SOME AWESOME FRIENDS. MY HUSBAND, GOD LOVE HIM, PUT UP WITH MY ECCENTRICITIES. I WAS FREQUENTLY IN AND OUT OF A JOB (FIRED) AND YET WE STILL SURVIVED. HE WOULD WORK TWO JOBS TO KEEP US AFLOAT. HE WAS AN AMAZING CARPENTER, ELECTRICIAN, PLUMBER YOU NAME IT HE COULD DO IT. HE GAVE ME THE KNOWLEDGE TO FIX OR REPAIR THINGS AFTER OUR DIVORCE. I SHALL CONTINUE THIS STORY AT A LATER TIME AS I MUST (DON'T WANT TO) GO TO WORK.

IT SEEMS TO ME AS I AWAIT THE OUTCOME OF THE QUEEN MUMS SURGERY, HOW PRECIOUS LIFE IS. THIS IS WHY I CHOOSES TO EXPERIENCE NEW THINGS WHENEVER I CAN. MY LIFE HAS BEEN FULL OF ADVENTURES, BOTH GOOD AND BAD. WHILE I PREFER THE GOOD, THE BAD HAVE TAUGHT ME POWERFUL LESSONS. I DON'T WANT TO GET REALLY OLD (WELL OLDER THAN I AM NOW LOL) AND REGRET NOT DOING ALL THE THINGS I WANT TO DO. I FEEL SORRY FOR PEOPLE WHO SAY "OH I'LL WAIT" TILL I HAVE TIME OR TILL I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ENOUGH TIME NOR MONEY. IF THERE IS SOMETHING YOU WISH TO EXPERIENCE DO IT NOW BEFORE TIME RUNS OUT.